I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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