I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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