i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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