if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
