i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
