i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
