I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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