No stitches, just platelets and will power
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
