I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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