Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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