There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just tell him i said nine months
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
