It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
