Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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