You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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