Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
