if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
