I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
