they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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