Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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