It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
