Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
