oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
