I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the day after is always just damage control
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
