Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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