It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
