By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
