I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
