Sry I called you an 8
Can Purell be used as lube?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
