idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
