she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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