I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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