Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sorry about my life...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
