And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
