You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
