The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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