i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
