There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
