I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
