Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
