I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
