1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
