So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
