you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
