he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
