Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
