the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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