Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
