My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
