Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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