Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
