oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
