I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize