Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize