How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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