I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
