I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
