My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
