i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
