I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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