Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
pray to the hookup gods
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
