Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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