I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
